Home » » 'I'm sorry... I was just trying to protect Reeva': Sobbing Oscar Pistorius breaks down on witness stand as he apologises to his lover's parents for shooting her dead

'I'm sorry... I was just trying to protect Reeva': Sobbing Oscar Pistorius breaks down on witness stand as he apologises to his lover's parents for shooting her dead

Written By JAK on Monday, April 7, 2014 | 2:21 PM


  • Amputee addresses Reeva's mother at start of long-anticipated testimony
  • Tells court he suffers panic attacks and wakes up in terror 'smelling blood'
  • Says he has been taking anti-depressant medication since the shooting
  • Pistorius denies murdering Reeva Steenkamp on Valentine's Day last year
  • Cross-examination by prosecution could prove a turning point in the trial
  • Pistorius claims he shot his girlfriend by mistake thinking she was intruder
  • Prosecution has accused him of deliberately killing her after a fierce row
  • Oscar Pistorius broke down on the witness stand today while apologising to Reeva Steekamp's parents for shooting her dead at the start of his long-anticipated testimony about the night he killed the model.

    With his voice trembling and at times inaudible, the Paralympian addressed the model's mother, June, who was sitting in the public gallery, telling her: 'I was simply trying to protect Reeva'.

    He said: 'There hasn't been a moment since this tragedy happened that I haven't thought about your family.

    'I wake up every morning and you're the first people I think of. The first people I pray for.

    'I can’t imagine the pain and the sorrow and the emptiness that I’ve caused you and your family.


    Emotional: Oscar Pistorius weeps in the dock during graphic testimony about Reeva Steenkamp's injuries as the defence team opens its case in a bid to prove his innocence

    Emotional: Oscar Pistorius weeps in the dock during graphic testimony about Reeva Steenkamp's injuries as the defence team opens its case in a bid to prove his innocence

    South African Paralympic track star Oscar Pistorius wipes his face during his trial in Court in Pretoria
    South African Paralympic track star Oscar Pistorius reacts during his trial

    Strain: The amputee buries his head in his hands as the court hears evidence of Miss Steenkamp's injuries

    'I was simply trying to protect Reeva. I can promise you that when she went to bed that night she felt loved.

    'I have tried to put my words on paper many times to write to you but no words would ever suffice.'

    Pistorius said he is taking anti-depressant medicine and that he has sometimes woken up in terror and suffering panic attacks.

    He told the court: 'I'm scared to sleep. I can smell blood and wake up terrified.'

    He described one episode in which he woke up in a panic.

    'I climbed into a cupboard and I phoned my sister to come and sit by me, which she did for a while,' he said.

    'I'm just in a complete state of terror,' he said. 'I fall asleep and wake up like that.'

    Tough testimony: Pistorius (back right) covers his eyes as prosecutor Gerrie Nel (front )cross-examines pathologist Jan Botha about a wound on Reeva Steenkamp's back, which is shown on monitors in court

    Tough testimony: Pistorius (back right) covers his eyes as prosecutor Gerrie Nel (front )cross-examines pathologist Jan Botha about a wound on Reeva Steenkamp's back, which is shown on monitors in court

    Graphic: Pistorius covers his ears as the court hears details of Miss Steenkamp's bullet wound to the hip, shown above on monitors in the court room

    Graphic: Pistorius covers his ears as the court hears details of Miss Steenkamp's bullet wound to the hip, shown above on monitors in the court room

    Fatal shooting: The court is shown a close-up image of the bullet wound to Miss Steenkamp's hip

    Fatal shooting: The court is shown a close-up image of the bullet wound to Miss Steenkamp's hip

    Hard to hear: Pistorius's testimony is expected to be particularly difficult for Steenkamp's mother, June (centre), who has sat through gruesome evidence, sometimes leaving the courtroom

    Hard to hear: Pistorius's testimony is expected to be particularly difficult for Steenkamp's mother, June (centre), who has sat through gruesome evidence, sometimes leaving the courtroom

    The amputee runner is accused of killing Miss Steenkamp deliberately by firing four rounds from a 9mm pistol through a locked toilet door after an argument.

    The track star has pleaded not guilty to her murder, saying he mistook the 29-year-old law graduate for an intruder hiding in the toilet at his luxury Pretoria home.

    Earlier, the Paralympian was overcome with emotion during graphic forensic testimony about the death of the model from the first witness called by the defence.

    He sobbed loudly and threw up into a bucket as had happened during previous sessions last month when the court heard details of Steenkamp’s autopsy and reviewed pictures of the blood-stained toilet and bathroom.

    The Paralympian wept court before his defence team opened its case today, calling Prof Botha in an effort to cast doubt on the prosecution's assertion that the model ate no more than two hours before the runner killed her.

    The evidence from Prof Botha is critical to the defence because Pistorius has claimed the couple were in his bedroom by 10pm on the night of the shooting.

    Any indication that they were awake much later could undermine the Olympian's account of the sequence of events.

    Prof Botha told the High Court in Pretoria that the timeframe of digestion was difficult to assess because of variations in many factors, including the volume of food consumed, its calorie content and the psychology of the person who was eating.

    Ready to take the stand: Oscar Pistorius arrives in court for the start of his murder trial where he was due to take the stand to speak publicly for the first time about the night the shot his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp

    Ready to take the stand: Oscar Pistorius arrives in court for the start of his murder trial where he was due to take the stand to speak publicly for the first time about the night the shot his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp

    Pivotal: Brian Webber, one of Pistorius's lawyers, said they had no choice but to put him on the stand

    Pivotal: Brian Webber, one of Pistorius's lawyers, said they had no choice but to put him on the stand

    The evidence countered statements by a pathologist called by the prosecution who said that, judging by the contents of her stomach, Miss Steenkamp probably last ate no more than two hours before her death.

    During his testimony, Botha also reviewed Steenkamp's wounds and the sequence in which the bullets hit her - a crucial detail since several witnesses have testified to hearing a woman's screams during a volley of shots in the early hours of February 14.

    Botha agreed with state pathologist Gert Saayman that the first round hit her in the hip, causing her to collapse, while the final shot hit her in the head, killing her almost instantly.

    Pistorius has cut a lonely figure since his trial started on March 3, saying little since his 'not guilty' plea besides the occasional 'yes, milady' to Judge Thokozile Masipa.

    How the double amputee, known as the Blade Runner, will hold up during the state's cross-examination may prove a turning point in the case.

    Brian Webber, one of Pistorius' lawyers, said they had no choice but to put Pistorius on the stand.

    Legal experts say it's a risk Pistorius' defense has to take.

    In a rare comment after the prosecution closed its case, Pistorius said 'we have a lot ahead of us.'

    Delay: His legal team has begun its case after a break of over a week due to the illness of a court official

    Delay: His legal team has begun its case after a break of over a week due to the illness of a court official

    In the five weeks since the trial began, Pistorius has appeared fragile and annoyed, frequently crying in court and being physically sick when the gruesome details of Steenkamp's death were discussed.

    Unusually, he will not be the first defence witness when his legal team begins its case after a break of more than a week due to the illness of a court official.

    That will be Jan Botha, a pathologist who defence lawyer Brian Webber said had 'personal reasons for why he has to take the stand first'.

    The prosecution wrapped up its case on March 25.

    If found guilty of murder, Pistorius faces at least 25 years in prison.

    Scene of horror: This newly released photograph shows the blood-soaked bathroom where Oscar Pistorius shot his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp in the toilet cubicle (top) with his 9mm pistol (seen lying on a bathmat, right) and the blood-splattered cricket bat (bottom right) he used to break down the toilet door after killing her

    Scene of horror: This newly released photograph shows the blood-soaked bathroom where Oscar Pistorius shot his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp in the toilet cubicle (top) with his 9mm pistol (seen lying on a bathmat, right) and the blood-splattered cricket bat (bottom right) he used to break down the toilet door after killing her

    Grim: Another graphic image shows a pool of blood at the bottom of the staircase where Pistorius carried Miss Steenkamp after shooting her. Blue arrows point to specks of blood on the wall and floor

    Grim: Another graphic image shows a pool of blood at the bottom of the staircase where Pistorius carried Miss Steenkamp after shooting her. Blue arrows point to specks of blood on the wall and floor

    Graphic: In this close up shot the gun, still cocked, that was used to kill Reeva Steenkamp lies on a bathmat in the bathroom next to blood smeared across the floor

    Graphic: In this close up shot the gun, still cocked, that was used to kill Reeva Steenkamp lies on a bathmat in the bathroom next to blood smeared across the floor

    The trial has gripped South Africa and millions of athletics fans around the world who saw Pistorius as a symbol of triumph over physical adversity.

    The sprinter's lower legs were amputated as a baby but he went on to achieve global fame as the 'fastest man on no legs,' winning gold medals at the Beijing and London Paralympics, and reaching the semi-finals of the 400 metres in the London Olympics against able-bodied athletes.

    The Pistorius testimony is expected to be particularly difficult for Steenkamp's mother, June, who for the last weeks has sat through gruesome evidence, sometimes leaving the courtroom as graphic photos of the bloody crime scene were shown to the court.

    When asked if the Steenkamp family is frustrated by the slow court proceedings, Dup De Bruyn, a lawyer representing the family, said no. 'I've schooled them well,' he said. 'They take it as it comes.'

    The Steenkamps are seeking an out-of-court settlement with Pistorius for financial compensation following their daughter's death, though negotiations have been postponed while the case is in court.

    'That has been put on the back burner,' said De Bruyn, who is based in Port Elizabeth, a city in the Eastern Cape province.

    Pistorius shot Steenkamp, a 29-year-old model, through the closed door of a toilet cubicle in his home in the night, later saying he mistook her for an intruder

    Pistorius shot Steenkamp, a 29-year-old model, through the closed door of a toilet cubicle in his home in the night, later saying he mistook her for an intruder

    Pistorius was recently spotted by local media lunching with his lawyers at an upmarket restaurant in Johannesburg.

    Wearing a cream jacket and light blue shirt, the athlete laughed as he ate, a marked difference from his usual stressed appearance in court, where he is seen grinding his jaw throughout the proceedings.

    The trial is slated to run to at least mid-May.

    SHOCKING TESTIMONY, VOMITING IN THE DOCK AND THE GRISLY TRAIL OF BLOOD THROUGH PISTORIUS'S HOUSE: A TIMELINE OF THE TRIAL SO FAR

    March 3: The trial begins with testimony from neighbour Michell Burger who claims she heard 'blood-curdling screams' before gunshots were fired at the time Oscar Pistorius killed Reeva Steenkamp.

    His lawyer Barry Roux says he intends to call a witness to testify that Pistorius screams sounded like a woman in a bid to discredit the claims.

    March 4: Pistorius breaks down in court as Mr Roux argues that Miss Steenkamp was so badly brain damaged by the gunshot to her head she couldn't possibly have screamed for help.

    Physically sick: Oscar Pistorius vomits into a bucket as the pathologist who carried out the post-mortem on Reeva Steenkamp gave a graphic account of her injuries

    Physically sick: Oscar Pistorius vomits into a bucket as the pathologist who carried out the post-mortem on Reeva Steenkamp gave a graphic account of her injuries

    March 5: Mr Roux seeks to undermine the testimony of a couple who say they heard a woman's screams and gunfire on the night the athlete shot his girlfriend.

    Barry Roux said similarities in the accounts given by husband and wife Michell Burger and Charl Johnson indicated they had aligned their versions at the expense of the truth.

    March 6: Pistorius weeps in the dock as a neighbour describes the harrowing moment he tried to resuscitate his girlfriend after she was shot.

    Radiologist Johan Stipp dashed to the Paralympian's home after hearing gunshots to find Pistorius kneeling next to Reeva Steenkamp and 'praying to God' that she would survive, the trial heard.

    March 8: A former girlfriend who claims Pistorius dumped her for Miss Steenkamp testifies that he once shot at a traffic light because he was furious that a police officer had touched his gun.

    March 10: Pistorius vomits in court when a pathologist describes how he shot Miss Steenkamp with so-called cop-killer Black Talon bullets which are designed to 'expand and mushroom' to inflict maximum damage.

    Aftermath of the killing: This picture of Oscar Pistorius, bare-chested and covered in blood from the waist down, was taken by police shortly after the Paralympian shot Reeva Steenkamp at his home

    Aftermath of the killing: This picture of Oscar Pistorius, bare-chested and covered in blood from the waist down, was taken by police shortly after the Paralympian shot Reeva Steenkamp at his home

    Shocking: Blood can be seen down the athlete's left arm and on his shorts apparently from when he carried his dead girlfriend down the stairs after shooting her in the bathroom

    Shocking: Blood can be seen down the athlete's left arm and on his shorts apparently from when he carried his dead girlfriend down the stairs after shooting her in the bathroom

    March 11: A friend tells the judge that the Paralympian has a 'big love' of weapons and recalls the time the athlete laughed after allegedly firing his gun out of the sunroof of a car.

    March 12: A forensic analyst stages a dramatic courtroom reconstruction of the moment Pistorius broke down the toilet door with a cricket bat after shooting Miss Steenkamp.

    Police colonel Johannes Vermeulen argued that Pistorius was on his stumps at the time, contradicting the Paralympian's assertion that he was wearing his prosthetic legs.

    March 13: Horrific pictures following the trail of blood through Pistorius's house are shown at the trial - including one of his girlfriend's corpse that made the athlete throw up in the dock.

    The image of Miss Steenkamp's blood-covered body was accidentally shown while the prosecution was showing other images including the cocked 9mm pistol used to kill the model.

    March 14: Dramatic pictures are shown to the court of a bare-chested Pistorius with blood all over his shorts and prosthetic legs shortly after killing his model girlfriend.

    March 17: A gun licenser testifies that Pistorius was in the process of buying seven guns - three shotguns, two revolvers, semi-automatic assault rifle and another self-loading rifle - at the time he killed his girlfriend.

    The order, which came to $5,000 (£3,000), was cancelled a month after the shooting.

    Earlier, the court heard the double-amputee had a 'great love and enthusiasm' for guns and once went into full 'combat mode' after hearing a possible intruder at his home.

    The noise turned out to be a washing machine.

    Pistorius had also passed self-defence tests that stated you shouldn't fire unless you knew what you are shooting at and what lay behind the target, the trial heard.

    Key evidence: Forensic analyst Colonel Johannes Vermeulen stands in front of the toilet door through which Oscar Pistorius shot Reeva Steenkamp while holding the cricket bat the athlete then used to break it down

    Key evidence: Forensic analyst Colonel Johannes Vermeulen stands in front of the toilet door through which Oscar Pistorius shot Reeva Steenkamp while holding the cricket bat the athlete then used to break it down

    March 19: The trial is told that Pistorius looked at porn and car websites the night before he killed Miss Steenkamp.

    He breaks down in the dock as a ballistics expert tells Pretoria's High Court that Miss Steenkamp was struck in the hip by the first bullet, then fell back on to a magazine holder by the toilet.

    She was then hit by another two bullets which struck her in the right arm and her skull as she crossed her arms over her head to protect herself.

    March 20: It is revealed by the runner's lawyer that he has been forced to sell the luxury villa where he shot Miss Steenkamp to raise money to pay for his legal bills. 

    March 24: The court hears how the 29-year-old model admitted to being scared of the South African track star in text messages sent less than three weeks before her death.

    One of them read: 'I'm scared of you sometimes and how you snap at me'. A later text said: 'I can’t be attacked by outsider for dating u and be attacked by you the person I deserve protection from.' 

    March 25: A selfie of Miss Steenkamp blowing a kiss which she sent to Pistorius weeks before he killed her is shown to the court.

    March 28: Trial is adjourned until April 7 after one of the judge's two assessors is taken ill in hospital.

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